In case you aren't aware we never set out with the intention of adopting a child with medical needs. Funny how God takes our best laid plans and leads us in ways that we never expected. I would not trade any of the last year-even the months of soul searching last summer as we faced a lot of selfish reasons why we shouldn't consider adopting a child with medical needs. I think it's important for other families to hear who may be just starting out on their own journey, who may face the same internal debates-it's normal. Wrestle it out. We had lots of good reasons to adopt a "healthy" child. If I listed them all you would probably think I'm the most selfish person ever. They were all "us centered" for sure. I certainly had never felt so selfish in my life. But the more we researched and prayed the less valid those reasons became...the main question became "why not us?" And for that there was no good answer.
Mark 5:17-22 tells of a rich young ruler who, despite all he had, knew he was missing something. He had all the ease and comfort he could want but yet was lacking. Jesus looked on him and loved him, then asked him to sacrifice what was most dear-the comfortable and familiar. Jesus asked him to give up a life of ease. The man was disheartened and went away sorrowful. Jesus extended an invitation in love, knowing the sacrifice would be nothing compared to the reward of following Jesus. Jesus didn't force him to follow-he extended an invitation to a life he knew would bring incredible blessing (eternal blessing, not physical) and left the decision in the young mans court.
The Lord spoke through that story to us when we were praying about whether to step out and commit to Tavin last September. I fully believe we could have turned away from Tavin and I believe God would have brought him another family. But we would have been the ones missing out on one of the greatest blessings to come our way.
Here we are visiting daily the most precious little soul. A small soul hidden away from the world. A blessing that we almost missed out on. I shudder to think how easy it would have been to say no. We will never regret saying yes.