Adopting a waiting child feels something like getting a call from, say, your childs preschool. "You left your child here today, but it's no problem - we have plenty of food, and a place for them to sleep. We will watch them till you come, but before you pick them up there is a mountain of paperwork you have to work though, and you will need $25,000." So what do you do? You bust it every day to get it done. And every day it feels like maybe you could have done more, maybe you should have squeezed in one more form. It's always in the back of your mind, while doing anything else, that this child of yours isn't with you. It's that nagging feeling that you forgot something, the kind of feeling that never goes away. I find myself loading the boys into the car, or playing outside with them, and glancing around for the 3rd, only to realize he isn't here yet.
Does that sound strange, to feel that way for a child you've never met? Yes - it does. But it doesn't change that that's the way it is.
We have reached a lull in the paperwork while we wait for our home study draft, then the final. It's the first time in 8 weeks I feel like I can breath, but then maybe I'd rather feel like I was doing something, anything to move things along. So I pray, release it to the Lord, rest Tavin in His hands, knowing that He cares for him so much more than we do. And we wait.